Wearisome
“You’ll be able to spot people who are becoming love because they want to build kingdoms, not castles. They fill their lives with people who don’t look like them or act like them or even believe the same things as them. They treat them with love and respect and are more eager to learn from them than presume they have something to teach.”
- Bob Goff: Everybody, Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People
In January 2020, I was accepted into the JBU Graduate Counseling Program. Much of that year, like many people, I spent trying just to keep my head above water with all the things. To be honest, it’s all kind of a blur and I’m totally ok with it being so. I am a little more than half-way through the program with my anticipated graduation date being in May of 2023. This journey has been overwhelming, exciting, but mostly orchestrated by God. I am absolutely sure and certain (even when writing one more paper seems unbearable and may have caused a few tears!) this is what I’m supposed to be doing. To be clear, I love my job as a Simmons Chaplain and have no intention or direction from God to not be a Chaplain at any point in the near or distant future. I am also absolutely sure and certain God will take care of the details of how my calling into Chaplaincy and Counseling will be used for His Glory! As 2021 has ended and we start a new year, I wanted to share some of my personal learnings from my journey thus far. I’m not exactly sure as to why I’m doing this but it’s just one of those Holy Spirit whispers I won’t ignore.
One of my most impactful learnings came from a book by Timothy Keller called “Every Good Endeavor”. Specifically, one of the most impactful sections of this book for me was Chapter 7: Work Becomes Selfish. Keller outlines how we all can easily seek to find our identity through our work by assigning spiritual value to work versus getting our spiritual value from God. We then are led to rely on materialism where fruits of our labor are how we identify the health and safety of our lives. Additionally, we also are prey to seek our identity from a group, which Keller notes as leading, “to snobbery, imperialism, colonialism, and various other forms of racism” (p. 111). Keller reminds us our seeking of glory and relationship can only come and be fulfilled by God. In looking at work as also being our worship, Keller’s illustration of Esther “in the Palace” was also significant to me. Power, peril and living with greatness “in the palace” brought to mind my entire reason for going on this educational journey towards becoming a counselor. Specifically, being able to identify with and mediate for people seeking to improve their mental health is made possible because God’s favor and grace gives freedom to live a life where my identity is in God’s Love for me, not in my role of counselor, chaplain, mom, wife, student, or any other role I have.
Keller mentions a Hispanic pastor saying, “Unless you use your clout, your credentials, and your money in service to the people outside of the palace, the palace is a prison; it has already given you your name. You may think you have been given little because you are always striving for more, but you have been given much, and God has called you to put it into play. It is natural to root your identity in your position in the palace; to rest your security in the fact that you have a certain measure of control over the variables in your life; to find your significance in having clout in certain circles. But if you are unwilling to risk your place in the palace for your neighbors, the palace owns you” (p. 120). This was a poignant reminder to remember why I’ve been placed “in the palace”.
Ultimately, my authenticity in any role I hold will be established in treating each person with love and respect which is made possible through my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I am striving to integrate competency and congruence into my professions in a way that is perfectly described by Bob Goff (2018) when he writes, “You’ll be able to spot people who are becoming love because they want to build kingdoms, not castles. They fill their lives with people who don’t look like them or act like them or even believe the same things as them. They treat them with love and respect and are more eager to learn from them than presume they have something to teach” (p.43).
Now, all the above is great, fantastic and totally deep in my heart towards becoming the person God is molding me to be BUT…it can all easily turn to fluff and sound so easy if I don’t share how I have been and will continue to cultivate and progress in this “molding” which at times has felt like getting deep lacerations and gashes to my body, mind and soul…and that’s me “sugar-coating” it a little bit.
At the beginning of 2021, more than one of my grad classes required/highly-suggested to seek personal counseling while in the graduate program. So, since January 2021, almost without exception, every other week, I have had one hour personal-counseling sessions. These personal-counseling sessions were established as a method to reach my goal of engaging and developing the area of self-care.
In my calling of Chaplain, I get to walk-alongside many different people going through many different seasons, circumstances, or situations of life. Most days there’s something on my calendar but some days, the calendar doesn’t matter because ultimately, being present with people is a priority. As we all have experienced these past years, presence with people has been difficult in many ways. In all transparency, many times at the end of the day, I found myself disengaging and disconnecting from my family and friends. I was not able to spend quality, fully present time with them. I was giving my family the very few, if any, “left-overs” of myself and it wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t pretty. If you know me, along with being a Royal-Family, Hamilton, and The Office fan, I am also a life-long learner (a.k.a-nerdy) and I just had to “ace” this “assignment”. So, I started those personal-counseling sessions and mostly on the “down-low” because what would people think if the “helper” was actually needing “help”...facepalm, facepalm, facepalm! All joking aside, this personal-counseling experience has enhanced my ability to be with God, lay burdens down and find rest in Him because I sought out a safe-trusting space to process my responses to work/life stress.
Now, please don’t take all the above to mean I no longer disengage, disconnect and no longer have “not-pretty” moments! Not at all! I still do all those things BUT I am so much more aware of the whens and whys of those moments. Am I a better communicator with my husband and kiddos? Nope! BUT I know I’m not! So really, this almost full year of counseling sessions hasn’t led to dramatic changes in my personality or to my character BUT it has added awareness! Awareness of who I am, how I react and respond, how I hurt and love, when I need noise and when I need to close the door to my bedroom closet and just sit. As I continue with these personal-counseling sessions, because I will continue them, I can’t honestly say I’m super excited to see what I will learn or what changes will need to be made, but I know I will be open and receptive to what God will be doing according to His Will.
Notably, through this past year I have become keenly aware of my Christian worldview and how I am accountable not only personally but professionally to rely on Biblical fundamental truths to give way for empathy and understanding to be means by which I, as a Chaplain and future Counselor, can hold to the heart and mind posture so eloquently described by McMinn (2008):
“We do not sit above our clients; we sit with them, familiar with the pain of broken relationships, the struggle of disordered passions and the hope of redemption. This is an existential sort of empathy, not merely a technique-oriented empathy...We are aboard the same misguided ship---misdirected and confused and trying to find our bearings. This is a humble posture, recognizing that no counselor, save the Wonderful Counselor (Is 9:6), has been fully rescued from the distortions of sinfulness” (p. 155).
Lastly, and certainly not least, if you are struggling in any way and need help…SEEK OUT HELP! If you don’t know where to start, maybe start with telling one person, making one call, sending one text, reading one book or praying one prayer…just take one next right step.
“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
-Zephaniah 3:17
Goff, B. (2018). Everybody, Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People. United States: Thomas Nelson.
Keller, T. (2012). Every Good Endeavor: Connecting your work to God’s work. New York, NY: Penguin Group.
McMinn, M. R. (2008). Sin and Grace in Christian Counseling: An Integrative Paradigm. InterVarsity Press.