Bittersweet
In Atlas of The Heart, author and research professor, Brené Brown, PhD, MSW, writes:
“What happens when we feel two competing emotions at the same time?
Can two seemingly contradictory thoughts both be true?
Welcome to being human! Competing emotions and contradictory thoughts are messy and can feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, even irritating. But it’s important to remember that this push-pull is a reflection of our complexity, and if we’re willing to stay with it and stay curious, complexity is one of our greatest teachers.
The problem starts when we don’t have the skills or experience to tolerate the uncertainty and ambiguity and we give in to the cravings for neat, mutually exclusive categories. There’s nothing more limiting than tapping out of tension and oversimplifying the thoughts and feelings that have the power to help us understand who we are and what we need.”
Trying to find words to somehow “wrap-up” seven years of being a Simmons team member has been hard…complex. The past seven years have been overwhelmingly good, especially the last five years of ministry with the Simmons Chaplain Services Team. As I step away from Simmons and the Chaplain Services Team into joining the Simmons Care Clinic as a Counselor (LAC), I do so with certainty and peace to what God is calling me into next. For me, this time of discernment has helped me to notice how God has called me to opportunities I never would have imagined:
I never would have imagined I would leave a 10-year teaching career.
I never would have imagined I would start working for a company that feeds the families and pets we love.
I never would have imagined I would be part of talent acquisition and customer service teams within that same company.
I never would have imagined I would join a team dedicated to the ministry of presence.
I never would have imagined I would step away from that team…BUT GOD…He’s known all along how to guide me in the next right step. He’s known of each and every person who has walked alongside me and my family in the scariest of times. Times where we were cared for and loved while dealing with so much uncertainty and loss. God has also known each and every person who has come across my path in the ministry of Chaplain. He has known and developed those relationships through which I’ve had great opportunities to walk alongside people in going through many different circumstances. He’s known to only let me see what I needed to see. He’s known how to protect my heart and mind by giving me strength to continue to rely on Him in all areas of my life.
He knew this next step was going to be bittersweet but it would give me a deeper understanding of who I am and what I need in order to continue carrying out His will for my life.
“The bittersweet side of appreciating life’s most precious moments is the unbearable awareness that those moments are passing. ”
The bittersweet mixed feelings of happiness and sadness is how I’m “wrapping-up” and appreciating these precious moments of life. I’m happy to have been a part of an incredible team and sad to see this season ending. I’m happy to have made so many lifelong friends but sad to not have them be part of my everyday life. I’m happy to fill a need in caring for hurting people but sad that this need is increasing. I'm happy and sad.
This season of life is bittersweet but fully orchestrated by God with great purpose and intentionality. If you find yourself in a season of competing emotions and contradictory thoughts, I encourage you to sit in that uncomfortableness a little bit longer…maybe even longer than what you want to. I have a feeling God will lead you to a better understanding of who you are in Him and what you need to continue living a life filled with hope even in seasons of bittersweetness.
“God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”
