The Difference Between Sympathy and Empathy
I remember the first time the different meanings of the words “empathy” and “Sympathy” were brought to my attention. I was showing a series of videos of Focus on the Family by Dr. James Dobson at a church where I was pastor. In one of those videos, Dr Dobson explained the difference between the two words. He said the expression that sums up empathy best is—I have been there and done that. Empathy, he further explained, means experiencing someone else’ feelings. It requires an emotional component of really feeling what the other person feels because you have been through the same situation. While sympathy, on the other hand, means understanding someone else’s suffering, even being there for them,though you have never experienced the same.
In my reading of some history of the life of Dr George W. Truett, one of the former pastors of the First Baptist Church, Dallas, Texas, I learned that he really had the heart of a pastor. He learned the importance of reaching beyond his own ability as a pastor in order to minister to someone who was needing some emotional support. It was told of a young mother, a member of the church, whose infant child had died. Of course, he ministered to her and her family as best he could. However, it wasn’t long until the infant baby of another young mother of the church also died. Dr Truett went to the mother of the first baby that died and asked her to go visit with the mother of the second baby that had died. Dr Truett knew that she could “feel” the emotions of the other. Someone has said, “Empathy is a building block of morality—for people to follow the Golden Rule. It helps if they can put themselves in someone else’s shoes.”
I was called to one of the plants one night to try and minister to a team member who had lost a house in a fire and was having a hard time dealing with it. Of course, they were emotionally distraught and crying. As I began to talk with them, one of the management team members who had come into the room with us began to share with her that she too had a house fire a few years ago and had also lost all her worldly possessions. As she began to share with her from her experience of getting through this difficult time, the young team member began to calm down emotionally. The management team member who had been through the same experience as she did more for her than what I was able to do, having never had a house fire. The consoling words that I had for her was that there we would do everything we could to help her begin to meet immediate needs.
I have been a Simmons Chaplain for almost ten years and have bought many sympathy cards to send to team members who have had a loved one to pass away. From all the cards I have bought, which have been many, I have never found a card with the word “empathy” on it. Here are some expressions taken from a couple of the many cards I received from friends and team members when my wife passed away.
“With deepest Sympathy, thinking of you in your hour of sorrow and extending heartfelt sympathy.”
“Sending my sympathy and prayers, and letting you know my heart goes out to you at this time of sadness, with deepest sympathy.”
I received cards from some people who have not yet lost a spouse in death and from some who have, and yet every card I received was from friends and team members who were trying to express “empathy,” though none of the cards used the word. I so greatly appreciated everyone’s “Heartfelt, Deepest Sympathy.”
Of the synonyms that are used in the Bible that best express the word “empathy” is the word “compassion.” “The definition of compassion is a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is hurting, in pain, or has a misfortune and is accompanied by a strong desire to help the suffering.”
Jesus Christ is the greatest example of someone with true compassion. The following are some verses from the Bible that reveal this truth.
“Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them.”
“As Jesus and his disciples were leaving Jericho, a large crowd followed him. Two blind men were sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was going by, they shouted, ‘Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us’. . . Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him.”
“. . . When the ship landed and Jesus saw a great large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So, he began to teach them many things.”
Not only did Christ Jesus have compassion and heal people from physical suffering, he also showed the greatest compassion for mankind when he died on the cross for our sins.
True empathy/compassion comes from a heart of love. It is called unconditional, sacrificial kind of love. Same kind of love Jesus demonstrated. True believers in Christ Jesus have this kind of love. Jesus prayed this prayer, “Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also who shall believe on Me through their word. . .I have declared unto them Your name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith You have loved Me may be in them. . .”
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
“Therefore, if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being likeminded, having the same love, being one in spirit and one in mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit. Rather in humility value others above yourselves.”