Premeditated
Some of you have spent weeks working on a plan for the prank you will pull today on April Fools! From staplers in jello, sticky notes covering EVERYTHING, to hundreds of tiny chickens all over the office - we can get pretty creative!! The word “premeditated” is almost always associated with something negative, most often murder (yikes…this went dark quick!) What if we were as intentional, even premeditated, about the things that give life and add value to others?
Relationship issues were the #1 topic for our Chaplain team in 2024. The next few months, we want to focus our blogs on a few key areas that might be helpful in this area of life. This first one is maybe the most important.
Have you ever prepared to enter a conversation where you knew something was about to be said or done that was going to be offensive to you? Maybe it was a meeting with a client or boss, or it could be with a spouse or with your parents. These conversations happen all the time in our friendships too. We all just want to get along, but there seems to be a persistent tension in relationships, doesn’t there?
We often think about forgiveness mostly in terms of things that have happened to us in the past. But we have to get real and understand that there are still offenses to come. Sometimes this is unintentional, other times it is pointed and with a purpose to harm. People are going to say and do things that are hurtful, demeaning, and destructive. We talk about being proactive instead of reactive in other areas of our lives, so what would that look like in the area of forgiveness?
A few years back, I was preparing to walk into a really difficult conversation. This person was someone I wanted to have a healthy relationship with, but was struggling to get there. I had set up a time to visit with him, and in my preparation, I began to pray that God align my thoughts with His thoughts. To be honest, I wanted to put this person in his place. I wanted to tell him off. I got the sense that if God had His way with how I was about to handle things, He would steer me another direction.
The day before I was to meet with this person, I came across this verse and it changed my perspective completely:
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Jesus set the precedent for premeditated forgiveness. Knowing all things, even my deepest sins, He still loved me and forgave me to the point of giving His life on the cross. There is a song I heard a long time ago called, “When He was on the cross, I was on His Mind.” I love the words and the meaning here:
“The look of love was on His face.
Thorns were on His head.
The blood was on His scarlet robe.
Stained a crimson red.
Though his eyes were on the crowd that day,
He looked ahead in time.
For when He was on the cross, I was on His mind.
He knew me, yet He loved me.
He whose glory makes the heavens shine.
So unworthy of such mercy.
Yet when He was on the cross, I was on His mind.”
Before you or I ever took breath, Christ paid the price for our sin. There is nothing I can do to add to what He did. He paid the price.
I felt compelled that this very same level of forgiveness is what He was calling me to. This applies to every relationship I have. Even in the healthiest relationships I have, there has been hurt and opportunities for offense. Relationships are challenging! There is nothing easy about it unless you never let them get beyond surface level, which just leaves us unfulfilled. We were made for authentic relationship with each other. And yet, where Christ says that He desires for us to experience life to the fullest, the reality is that the enemy longs to steal, kill and destroy.
One way Satan accomplishes this is by allowing the seed of offense to be planted. That offense is watered and nourished as we harbor resentment, withhold forgiveness, and plot retaliation.
Back to my story, I walked into that difficult conversation with a new attitude. I forgave him in my heart before he ever said a word to me. I asked that God would rightly place my mind so that I could enter into the conversation and not be offended. You know what happened? It took all of 15 seconds for him to say something that I wanted to be offended at!
But something else happened.
Because I had already forgiven him, I was able to move to the side and let the offense miss the target. I listened to what he had to say until he felt like he was understood. I asked some clarifying questions, asked forgiveness in an area that I was wrong, and asked how I could do better moving forward.
It was disarming. He threw out his best stuff and not one offense connected. By the end of the conversation, he realized that I wasn’t trying to put him in his place either, and we were able to have a mature conversation and come out on the other side a bit healthier than how we entered.
What would premeditated forgiveness look like for you?
Think for a minute of the person who just is impossible to be around. Maybe they are constantly saying things that are hurtful, whether it’s intentional or they think it is acceptable. Donald Miller writes, “The ones who impact the world the most are somehow able to turn the other cheek. It’s as though they believe so solidly in love, so robustly in forgiveness, they have the ability to forgive and even love those who attack them.”
My challenge to you today is to practice premeditated forgiveness. Make it incredibly hard for others to offend you. And by God’s grace, reflect the heart of Christ as you seek to grow in relationship with people.