Choosing Life: A Chaplain's Honest Look at Suicide Awareness
Very few of us like to talk about suicide. I know that I don’t.
However, from my perspective as a Chaplain and Minister, I can talk about suicide to a living person, or I can try to comfort a family that has just lost their loved one to suicide. I have done both and am willing to do both. As difficult as it might be for me to bring up the subject of suicide, funerals following suicide are harder. Let me also say that not every conversation about suicide has had a positive, life affirming, lifesaving result. Still, if there were only one good result, I would continue to talk about suicide. And there have been many more positive, life-affirming, life-saving results than there have been suicides.
Bear with me for a minute as I talk about some numbers regarding suicide.
The Center for Disease Control reports that suicide is still the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. Homicide is 17th. In other words, and this is a sobering thought, but you and I are statistically more likely to kill ourselves than we are to be killed by someone else. And it is getting worse. In 2024, One person died in the United States every 10.8 minutes on average from suicide.
Every completed suicide is final, and the best thing that we can do is to talk about suicide with our friend or loved one who is considering, and maybe even decided on, taking their own life.
But let’s look at suicide from another perspective… instead of looking at death, let’s look at life.
How do we help the person contemplating suicide?
Here are some things that groups like the American Association of Suicidology suggest:
We can be there.
Presence is powerful. We need to be with people. We need people who will listen without being judgmental. Processing through our own life process with its problems and issues can help us realize that suicide is not the best answer, and though it might seem like the only answer, it’s really not a good answer.
Talk about it.
Just ask, “Are you thinking about suicide?” Talk about suicide with the attitude of, “I care about you so much that I’m not okay with you taking your life. I don’t want you to die by suicide, I want you to live,” or similar ways to contradict the idea of suicide.
Help keep them safe
Sometimes, if you ask, they'll give up whatever means they have available to them. If you don't ask, they're less likely to hand it over voluntarily.
Connect to a higher level of help
The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is 988. Call that number with their phone if they are open to get help. Text “help” to 988. If they refuse, you can call 988 on behalf of your friend or family member, they can help you to help them. If their act of suicide is imminent, you might need to call 911.
Follow up
Stay in touch even if it seems like the crisis is over and you are breathing a sigh of relief.
What do I watch for that might indicate someone is thinking of suicide?
Suicide is much too complex to simply name one, or even come up with a list of every warning sign, but if you see more than one, or even one of the following… it’s okay to ask, “Are you okay? How bad is it? Are you thinking about suicide?”
Depression & Anxiety
Previous Attempt
Family/Friend History of Suicide
Substance Abuse/Addiction
Trauma exposure/Moral Injury
Dramatic Mood Changes/Despair
Reckless & Risky Behaviors
Terminal or Troubling Diagnosis
Suppose you see some signs, then what? Ask if it is suicide that they are thinking about. If they admit to thinking about suicide, there are two really important next questions: 1) Do you have a plan? and, 2) Do you have the means to carry out that plan? Ask in a way that is not accusing them of “committing” some crime. Maybe, “If you were going to end your life today, how do you think you might do it?”
If they say that they are thinking about suicide, and especially if they have a plan... contradict the suicide idea, offer to help, if they are willing to accept help… now what… where do you turn for help?
24 hours a day, they (or you) can call 988.
Call 911 if the threat of suicide is imminent.
If you are at work, you can reach out to your Supervisor, Chaplain or Nurse.
You can take them to their doctor or call the police for a wellness check.
If your person is a veteran, get them in touch with their Veterans Health Care.
You might give them a ride to the nearest Mental Health Hospital.
You can take them to the nearest hospital Emergency Room.
What are you afraid of?
I have been there. My greatest fear when someone was considering ending their life was, “If I mention suicide I might plant the idea in their head.” All the suicide prevention sources that I have seen, all the trainings that I have attended, professional licensed therapists say, “No, you won’t cause suicide by asking.” It seems to help us process our thoughts when we get them out in the open.
I have also had the fear of making the person mad at me. To be brutally honest, calling 911 when someone is planning to end their own life, and having law enforcement show up can make them angry. I don’t like being the target of someone’s anger, but I prefer that to being the target of a family member who asks, “You knew… why didn’t you do something?”
Let me close by saying that all the best intentions, all the best training, all the best timing, all the best of everything might not change the outcome… you might still lose your person to suicide. Sometimes we just have to say, “The only person that could have changed the outcome is the person who died by suicide.” I can wish that it were not that way. I can even beat myself up over it, but I can’t change what has already happened. And the statements in this paragraph are not original from me. They come from suicidologists and professional counselors who dedicate their lives to make suicide a thing of the past. Many of those suicidologists and professional counselors have lost a person to suicide.
If you would like to read more, please consider the following resources.
This blog was a tough one to write and honestly, probably hard to read. It’s not a topic we take lightly and yet, we feel like it needs to be talked about. We wrote a blog back in January that dealt with suicide and struggles, but from another angle. If this has struck a chord with you and you need some encouragement, check out “Hope Restored: Seeing Your Life Through God's Eyes” by Chaplain Naomi Gill. As always, our Chaplain team is available to support you in anyway that would be helpful.