Who Are You Becoming?
“All habits and practices are ultimately trying to make us into a certain kind of person. So one of the most important questions we need to ask is: Just what kind of person is this habit or practice trying to produce, and to what end is such a practice aimed?”
A few years ago, I visited with a gentleman in hospice who, until the moment I walked into the room, I had never met before. I had been informed that he was near death and that he wanted to speak with a Chaplain. I never know what to expect when I enter a room, but this visit I’ll never forget.
I walked in to find a man, white-haired and wearing a red and green flannel shirt, sitting up in bed. The only light in the room was a lamp in the corner and the shades were closed to the door that led to the courtyard. The television was on, but he turned it off as I entered the room. He smiled as I walked into the room, as though he was expecting me.
I pulled up a chair next to his bed. I simply said, “I’d love to hear your story.” He clutched the homemade quilt on his lap as he told of his childhood, his memories of his parents and his two sisters, his first job, when he met his wife, stories of watching his children grow and take off on their own, what life was like on the farm, the sudden death of his wife, and what life has been like ever since. He laughed and then he cried as stories came to him that it seemed he had not shared in years.
There was one thing he said that I have been reflecting on ever since. He said, “You know, I never thought I would be who I am now.”
I let that thought sit for a moment and then asked, “Tell me more about that.”
He continued, “Well, I know that my day is coming…soon. I know there is not much of anything I can do to change who I am or who I have become, but I wish I could go back and change things, you know?”
He thought for a moment, tears began to roll from his eyes. As he wiped the away with his hand, he began to reflect on his relationships with his wife, with his children, and with his close friends. He talked about his faith and the realization that it had just been a checklist of “things to do” like going to church and praying before meals. He continued to lament on the person he had become and was filled with sorrow and grief at what could have been.
He said, “I let life happen to me, and now I sit here about to leave so much on the table, asking, ‘What could have been?’”
As I drove home that afternoon, I began to reflect on our conversation. I tried to place myself in his shoes. I wondered what it would be like to be in his circumstances.
I’ve heard my Dad use the illustration from a Peanuts comic, where Charlie is shooting a bow and arrow. Lucy comes up and asks, “Charlie, how do you always hit the bull’s-eye?” Charlie responds, “It’s easy! I just shoot my arrow at the wall, take my marker up to the arrow and draw my target around it! I never miss!!”
Life can often be lived the same way. We get to the end of life and draw our target around it and say, “I guess this is the person I have become.” But what if we, today, chose to take a different approach to life? What if we intentionally began to discern the question, “Who am I becoming?”
To ask this question, you will have to be ready to possibly find some things out about yourself and who you are today that will require a good deal of humility to accept. But we ask this question knowing that who I am today is not who I am going to be tomorrow if I were to chose to live life intentionally.
In your habits, how you invest your free time, your work ethic, your relationships…what kind of person are they producing in you?
Who are you becoming?
I’ve had many conversations with team members on this. I wonder, how many of you had these thoughts come through your mind as you read this blog:
“You don’t know my past.”
“This is a nice thought, but I am ____ years old and that ship has sailed for me.”
“What’s done is done. I have made my choices and now I have to live with them.”
I will tell you, that as long as you believe this, it will be true for you. I believe though, that there is hope for a better future for you. You woke up this morning to a gift, whether you recognized it or not – a new day. The choices, circumstances, mistakes, failures – whatever you want to call them – that you use to define your past do not have to define your future as well. Yes, they are part of your story. But when you woke up today, you turned to a blank page that was still to be written.
“Today is a most unusual day, because we have never lived it before; we will never live it again; it is the only day we have.”
Our Chaplain team visists with people every day who have dealt with struggles in their past, failed marriages, poor business decisions, addiction, financial struggles, depression, those grieving over a loss from years ago, and the list goes on and on. I am so encouraged to see how God continues to offer grace and growth in the lives of people. He offers wisdom and a new life – a new beginning.
The Bible is full of people who made terrible choices, who God ended up working in and through their lives to positively impact the world around them. In fact, the Bible isn’t about the characters we read about, it is all about how God continually walks alongside broken people and through His grace and love, they become the person God created them to be.
REFLECTION
I think one of the most powerful questions that I have asked myself has been, “God, if You had Your way with my life, what would it look like?”
Who do you feel God has called you to become...
IN THE WAY I TREAT AND VALUE PEOPLE AROUND ME?
IN MY WORK ETHIC?
IN MY HEART FOR GOD AND LOVE FOR OTHERS?
IN MY PERSONALITY AND ATTITUDE?
IN MY PERSONAL SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES?
IN HOW I DEAL WITH CONFLICT AND STRESS?
IN MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH THOSE I LIVE WITH?
So who are you becoming? Life is not about an arrival – it’s about the journey. I hope you are encouraged by the fact that there may still be more to learn and areas of your life where you can still grow. God is not finished with you. I hope that ignites a flame in your heart today.
Personally, if I live to be 80 years old, I hope I am still learning and growing. I anticipate it with each new day, that God will give me the grace to help me understand just a little bit more about who He is, and to experience and grow each day into the person I was created to become. I hope the same is true for you as well.
At Simmons, one of our visions is that we would be a company that invests in our people and help them reach their full potential. Our Chaplains are available for many things, and helping you navigate questions like this is one of them. If this is something you would like to have someone come alongside you and help you process through, we would sure enjoy the opportunity to do so.
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”