Work/Life (Re)balance
The #1 response to our Chaplain survey question, “What area of your life are you focused on growing in for 2023?” was Work/Life Balance. Thanks to your responses, we are going to focus our blogs on answering questions that you are ACTUALLY asking! We’ll start with an area that most said they are either working on or struggling with today - balancing work and life. Here’s the first question:
“I’m struggling with managing work and home life. I know I need to shift gears when not at work and focus on family and myself but my job is a huge part of who I am and I make that disconnect whenever I’m not at work. What advice would you give me?”
You are not alone. Most people that we talk to would say the same thing. I often hear things like, “I’m often the best version of myself when I’m at work. I communicate well, manage my time efficiently, I intentionally build relationships - and then I go home - and all of that stops.”
I love the way you talked about “shifting gears” in the transition from work to home. That is such a great way to visualize this and address the tension we often feel trying to “balance” work and life. We feel like work and life are opposite ends of a scale - with a goal of keeping them both perfectly balanced. I think that mentality sets us up for failure. Life is chaotic, unpredictable, and constantly changing.
The idea of balancing work and life perfectly, always - is exhausting. In the rare moment we get everything balanced - enjoy that breath - because it’s quickly back to “unbalanced”. So what if we changed our approach a bit? Instead of striving for a constant and perfect balance, we passionately pursue excellence. When I am at work, I’m going to bring my best. When I am at home, I’m going to be present and engaged.
I tend to think of this as “Rebalancing”. There are days, weeks, maybe even seasons of life, where one area of my life is going to require more of my time and energy than others. I like to picture buckets that represent the areas of my life that matter most to me.
FAITH ~ FAMILY ~ WORK ~ FRIENDS
The act of rebalancing requires me to regularly access each of these buckets. I certainly don’t want any of these to run too low or dry up, but there will be times when I will be pouring in alot (time, energy, thought, etc) into one of these buckets more than the others. Rebalancing is the process of realizing the season I’m in, which bucket is requiring the most from me, and intentionally finding ways to pour into the other buckets.
This brings up the question: “If I’m constantly pouring out - what is pouring into me?” Have you ever felt like you were on empty? I’ve certainly been there. The closer I walk with God through His Word and prayer, the closer I become to the man I want to be. Taking time every morning to exercise 30 minutes, which for me lately has been walking or on stationary bike, gives me so much energy. Lastly, eating well. I struggle here, but I’m working on it. What we put in our body matters. (I won't tell you what to eat, but make sure you're at least eating chicken once every day!)
Top 3 books on work/life (re)balance I’ve read:
“How can I give myself more grace, AND not become complacent?”
Another great question! I mentioned Jeremie Kubicek’s book, 5 Gears: How to Be Present and Productive When There is Never Enough Time. I can’t recommend this book enough and it gives so much clarity around this idea of pursing excellence over perfection. There is little room for grace in perfection. Kubicek gives a great framework for approaching work and life. There are times when we need to be in 4th and 5th gear. God has given each of us important work and we should do it with excellence. And, we’ve got to learn how to downshift.
The reality is redlining the engine is exhilarating! We often reward those who are the first in and the last out of the office, who respond to emails at 11pm or on Saturday morning. Again, there may be seasons where this is appropriate. But at what expense?
We’ve got to be able to downshift. Your family matters. Your health matters. You are worth a good night’s sleep. You are worth taking a real vacation. You are worth connecting deeply in relationships.
“We’ve got to be able to downshift. Your family matters. Your health matters. You are worth a good night’s sleep. You are worth taking a real vacation. You are worth connecting deeply in relationships. ”
Having grace for yourself may be as simple as choosing to take a walk when you could check email. It could mean planning a date night with your spouse rather than working late again. Grace and excellence are not mutually exclusive. Wherever we are, whether at work or at home, pursuing excellence means I’m striving to be the best version of myself I possibly can, knowing that I won’t always get it right. I have to put it in reverse often and ask for forgiveness, not out of complacency, but simply the downfall of being human. I don’t get it right every day - I’ve got to take time to rebalance.
There may be seasons where I have to set something down. For me, I love to hunt and fish. But this last season of work and having four little ones in the house, I’ve spent less time hunting and fishing. As our kids are getting older, I can see a new season coming up where we get to hunt and fish more often together. Life is about constantly rebalancing and making decisions of how I am going to invest my time and energy based on my priorities.
“What is the best way to keep the stresses of life in perspective?”
There are a couple of ways I’m learning to keep the stresses of life in perspective. (Still an active area of growth for me too).
First, is to be clear on the person I want to become. A few years back, I sat down and basically wrote out my own eulogy. Kinda morbid, but ironically, it was life-giving! I listed out the areas of my life that are most important to me: my faith, marriage, kids, work, family, farm, music, and friendships. Then I went back to each one and answered the question: “What is the story i want to be able to tell in the end?” A better question even yet, was “God, if you had Your way with my life, what would it look like?” As I finished writing, it was fascinating to read back through this vision of the man I want to become. The story I want to be able to tell. I then asked, “What has to be true today to take another step from aspirational to authenitic?”
“To live stress-free would be to deny our responsibility as leaders. Stress accompanies growth. We have to accept that all worthwhile change, every amazing transformation and renewal, brings about temporary stress.”
Second, is the acceptance that life=stress. Change is stressful, and life changes constantly. Challenges are stressful. Relationships are stressful. How we choose to respond to stress is how we experience it. There are two ways we experience stress: Distress & Eustress.
Distress is: pain or suffering affecting the body, a bodily part, or the mind: a state of danger or desperate need; subject to great strain or difficulties. (Merriam-Webster) Other words to describe distress are: agony, misery, anguish, pain and sadness.
Eustress is: a positive form of stress having a beneficial effect on health, motivation, performance, and emotional well-being. (Merriam-Webster)
Stress, much like life, is an accumulation of our choices and our circumstances. Some things happen in life that are out of our control. We still have a choice for how we will respond. When we give up all control and throw our hands up, that’s when the stress of life becomes distress.
Distress is real, and many of us experience it often, unfortunately. If prolonged for too long without dealing with it or making adjustments, distress can become depression. I’ve got personal experience here, and maybe you do too. I’ve had to learn the hard way. I’ve had to reach out for counseling and to wise friends for guidance out of the ditch a time or ten. But I’m getting better, and you can too.
Eustress is experienced when someone is about to take a test that he knows will be challenging, but he’s done the work to prepare. Eustress can be when you have to get kids fed, backpacks ready, lunches prepared, and to school on-time, but you laid out things the night before and got up early to spend time in the Word and coffee (obviously!). Eustress is when life can be alot - and okay. When it can be crazy - and intentional. And good.
Some great questions for reflection today:
Who am I trying to become?
What season am I in right now?
What’s one healthy thing I could do today that would help me begin to rebalance?
HELPFUL RESOURCES
Life Support: Stress (Chaplain Services Website)
Donnie Smith - "Balance is Proactive" (2 minute RightNow Media@Work video)
Nick Braschler | nick.braschler@simfoods.com