How do I Help a Friend Who is Considering Suicide?

 

Suicide is a problem in our world today. From the viewpoint of a pastor/chaplain who has stood at the graveside of suicide victims and attempted to help grieving families, suicide is not the best solution. From the viewpoint of a pastor/chaplain who has sat with a family in a hospital waiting room following a suicide attempt, suicide is not the best solution.

So, what should I do if a loved one or friend says that they do not want to go on living this way? I well remember that first late night phone call when I had no idea what to say or do. That was about 40 years ago. Because every human being is different there are no simple easy steps, but let me give you some ideas about what to say, and some resources for further study and reference. 

Take them seriously without overreacting.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, the organization that tracks the causes of death, in 2017 (the last year that we have current data) the total number of suicides in the USA was 47,173. That makes the national suicide rate 14 per 100,000 population. There were 266,000 people residing in Benton County, Arkansas that year. Suicide ranks as the 10th leading cause of death in the US while homicide ranks as 16th. In 2017 one person in the USA completed suicide every 11.1 minutes. Suicide is serious -take them seriously without overreacting.

Overreacting is when we get a terrified look in our eyes that says, “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS?” Truth be told, no one wants to hear that another person is in such emotional pain that suicide is looking like a feasible way out. However, if we can bring ourselves to be the calm voice of the pilot who says, “Ladies and gentlemen we need you to brace for the impact of the crash we are about to experience…” your calm can have a calming effect on the person whose world is spinning out of control. You might make the crash survivable.

Ask the Question

Take them seriously and ask the question, “Are you thinking about taking your life?” Sometimes we get tired of being sick, tired of financial worries, tired of conflict, tired of being depressed…sometimes we just get tired. Sometimes it is not that we want to die, but that we are tired of living as we are living now. Sometimes suicide seems like the only way out.

There seems to be a thought, one that I bought into earlier in life, that I should not bring up the subject of suicide so as not to give them the idea. That is wrong thinking! Those who have attempted suicide say, “I wish someone had asked, I would have told them.” “They didn’t ask because they just didn’t care.” 

All the suicide intervention wisdom says, ASK THE QUESTION! There are several ways to ask the question, here are some examples; “Are you thinking about suicide?” “Are you talking about ending your life?” “Are you saying that you want to kill yourself?”

So, you have asked the question, and yes, your loved one admits that he/she is considering suicide. Now what do you do? Ask about their plan.

“If you were going to do that today, how do you think you would do it?” Or maybe, “Have you thought about how you are going to kill yourself?” 

If they have the suicidal ideation, and have a plan, it is time to do something. 

First, Contradict

    • “That’s not a good idea.” 

    • “We need to do something about that.” 

    • “I am not okay with you taking your life.”

Second, Delay

    • “Tell me more about it.” (Give them a chance to process their thoughts and thinking process.)

    • “What has brought you to this point?” (Give a chance for their rational, logical thinking to take over their thought process.)

    • “Who/what will this affect?” (Find something they will miss…family, smells, hobbies, etc. that they will never be able to do again.) 

Third, Offer Help

  • You can take them to the nearest Emergency Room. You can take them to a nearby mental health facility for evaluation by a professional. If they refuse to get help and the threat seems imminent, you can call the police.

  • Assuming that you are not a mental health professional, it is time to get someone else involved. Here are some numbers you might want to have saved in your phone.

    • National Suicide Hotline: 800-273-TALK (8255)

    • National Suicide Hotline in Spanish: 888-628-9454

    • National Suicide Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741741 -  Veterans text 838255

    • Simmons Chaplain Line: 479-215-2500

    • Their Minister

    • Their Doctor

    • Veteran’s Mental Health Clinic

    • “We Are the 22” – 855-932-7384 (veteran to veteran peer support in Arkansas)

Fourth, Remove lethal means

  • Get the guns and ammo out of the house.

  • Get the pills out of the house along with the poisons.

  • Remove sharp knives, scissors, even the little cheap pencil sharpeners have had the blades removed and used in suicide attempts.

Sometimes suicides happen without warning. Sometimes a suicidal impulse has a lethal consequence. At other times, the warning signs are subtle and we miss them. Sometimes we really do not have the training, experience or presence of mind to notice. 

Sometimes the person who was suicidal seems so much better and everything is going so well. Those who have attempted suicide, and those who study suicide tell us that once the decision is made and the means is readily available there can be a peace that makes us believe that everything is fine. 

Remember that the only person who can stop a suicide is the person who completes that suicide. Even though I won’t own all responsibility for a suicide, I can take responsibility for doing all that I can do to prevent a suicide.

For more support, reading, training, or information:






 
DepressionLarry Hendren