Making the Right Call
We are faced with multiple decisions every day. Some big, others small and routine. What I know to be true is that our lives are shaped by the decisions we make.
I did an internship at my home church in Wichita, KS during my senior year of college at JBU. It went really well and I enjoyed being back with family and friends that I’d grown up with. Val and I got married in that same church the week after my internship ended and we came back to Siloam Springs to finish up our degrees.
I got a call one day out of the blue from the youth pastor of that church shortly after we got married. There was an unexpected opening and he offered me a chance to interview. In our minds, this was so perfect. Back home, great church, people we knew and loved. It was one of the largest youth groups in the state, with nearly 750 students between middle school and high school! It was a dream job. The interviews went really well and everything was starting to line up.
I’m not sure if we physically had already started packing bags, but mentally we were already there. We asked the church leadership if they would give us the week to pray about the decision and I’d get back to them on Monday, surely with a “Yes”. We were so excited and started dreaming about what life was going to be like back in Wichita.
About mid-week, I started to feel tension about the decision. I couldn’t quite tell where it was coming from, but something didn’t feel right. I didn’t say anything to Val. She was dead-set on going back home. I thought, maybe it was last night’s Eureka Pizza again. “I’m sure I’ll get over it,” I said to myself. But the tension didn’t go away.
Sunday night came and we had set aside some time to talk about the decision. We sat down on the couch and I looked at her and said, “Well…” And she started crying. So did I. She said, “I can’t explain it. Everything in me feels like this should be a no-brainer, but it just a “No”. It was for me, too.
The calls to our family, the church leadership and our friends who we had shared with were really hard. It felt like we disappointed the people closest to us. They were supportive, but it was still a bummer.
Now with almost 12 years of perspective, I can confidently say that decision was one of the best decisions I ever made. At the time, it was hard to see though. My other option was to keep delivering pizza for $8.75/hour. It was clear to us that for some reason, that wasn’t the path for us.
It was another two years before I got a call from Simmons looking for a part-tme Chaplain. Now having been here ten years and the perspective that time can bring, I am so thankful for the decision we made.
We’ve had to make difficult decision since then too. Decisions to take a 2nd job, to leave a church, have four kids, for Val to stay home with our kids, to start a farm...and on and on.
What about you?
What are some of the decisions that have shaped your story up until this point?
During 2020, there have been numerous decisions that we have had to make as individuals and families, as leaders, as companies, and even our entire economy. There are still decisions that you and I will need to make in the coming months that will dictate the story we tell and the lives we will live in the future.
Andy Stanley has a great framework of 4 Questions for Better Decisions that I want to share with you today. These are four simple questions that can be applied to any decision you make, big or small, that have been incredibly helpful to me and I think may be for you as well.
Am I being honest with myself, really?
It’s one thing to deceive others. It is something else to be dishonest with yourself. Be real. What is really behind this for you? What’s the real reason that you want to _____________?
Really. Try it. Get real honest with the guy/gal in your mirror.
2. What story do I want to be able to tell?
You and I write our story one decision at a time. I want to be proud of the story I will tell at the end of my life, and I know you do too. I also want to be able to tell the whole story and not have to leave out chapters.
Whatever decision or maybe crisis that you find yourself in right now will one day be the story you will tell. As Covey taught, begin with the end in mind and get clarity around the story you want to tell. Then you can come back to the decision you have in front you and see if it aligns.
We all will have a story to tell. Write a good one.
“Every decision that you make becomes part of the story you will tell. Every decision has a consequence, an outcome, that becomes a permanent part of your story.”
3. Is there a tension that deserves my attention?
Being anxious or having a “knot in your stomach” about a decision is normal. There’s usually some level of risk involved and it’s our body’s way of protecting us from pain. Pay attention to it. Ask yourself, “What about this bothers me?” Line your fears and your anxieties up and make them give an account. “What is behind tension for me?”
Sometimes, the tension is because there is a red flag or speed bump that deserves our attention before we move forward. It doesn’t mean it’s a “no”. It means that there’s elements or outcomes of this decision that need your attention.
What tension do you need to pay attention to?
4. What would be most honoring to God?
This is last, but not because it is the least important. This question has been a great closer for many of my decisions in the past decade. It has led me to say “no” to some good things, so that I can say “yes” to some great things. It has helped me live life with fewer regrets. What I have found is that often what would be most honoring to God often involves honoring the people that He loves.
Another way to ask this question is, “God, what is the wise thing to do?” Andy Stanley puts it this way:
In light of my past experience, what is the wise thing to do?
In light of my current circumstances, what is the wise thing to do?
In light of my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do?
The decision(s) you have in front of you may be one of life’s big choices, or it could simply be a situation where you are discerning what the right thing to do is. I hope you will take the time to ask yourself these questions. Write out your thoughts or call a friend or Chaplain to sit with you over a cup of coffee and let you process through your decision. Big or small, the decisions you make today will determine the story that you will be able to tell tomorrow.