If you could, would you rather know the future? I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know all that the future holds for me, but I do want to know enough to prepare for those things that I can. As you grieve, you can do some preparation for the holidays...

Doug Manning describes grief as being a lot like peeling an onion… “It comes off one layer at a time and you cry a lot.” The more people I see who are grieving the more I see how much we resemble that remark. Grief really is as individual as a fingerprint, and it is not something you “get over.” It is a journey you must make, a process that has to be done. You can try to go around it, but eventually we have to go through it...

When we face the loss of a loved one, we feel lost and alone. No matter how many loved ones we have around us, how supportive they are, nor how many times we have been down this road, we feel a loss that seems surreal.We might wonder if this is just a bad dream. It is for such a nightmare that I write this. Thus, we have the subtitle, Information You Really Don’t Want. I hope this may help guide you during a time when you don’t know what to do next...

Throughout our journey in life, we experience many different situations that bring about grief: the loss of life, loss of employment, loss of safety/security, loss of treasured possessions, loss of independence, loss of relationship(s) (divorce or a move). Grief is a set of feelings that arise after a significant separation or loss...

It’s been said that hurting people hurt people, and healing people help people heal. Sooner or later, someone that you know, that you work with, that you supervise, will be hurting from grief. What can you do to help them heal as they return to work? Here are a few suggestions...

I had to say something, but I didn't know what to say. Years ago, a fellow Pastor lost his daughter in a single vehicle accident. I was out of the country at the time and six months passed before our paths crossed. I said something like, “I can only imagine how hard that must have been.” He responded, “No, you can’t! You can’t even imagine! I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest!...

When a loved one passes away, whether unexpectedly or not, our minds tend to go into a whirl. This is normal, and there are things that you and I can do now to help lessen the whirl when that time comes. I am suggesting that you make it more bearable on your own family and loved ones by writing out some of your own information on these pages...

Cremation is becoming the preferred method of choice for many families today. It can be a very meaningful form of caring for the body of a loved one. Cremation is not, and should not be looked at as an inferior form of disposition. The family who chooses to have a loved one cremated should never feel any sense of not doing the best, or not caring as much for a loved one...

I want to help my friend who is grieving a significant loss, but I’m at a loss. When I try to help, my own loss gets in my way.” Some of us have found that when we try to help others in their grief, some of our own grief rises to the surface. It is true that in order to help others through their grief, we need to adequately deal with our own grief issues and with our own grief history..

Grief comes in waves. Some waves come with the tide and are as predictable as the rising of the sun and moon. Others sneak up and catch us unaware. Just as we think, “I can handle this…I’m doing so much better,” a Tidal Wave tries to drown us in our own tears...

I hear this often, "Nick, my mind and emotions are going 15 directions at one time...am I going crazy?" No, you certainly aren't going crazy, but experiencing many emotions at one time is very normal and expected...

The loss really begins to be felt when there is an empty chair in at the table, or you’re waiting for them to come home to only remember that they aren't going to walk through that door at 5:15 like they always have before. There are plans and dreams of the future that are now unknown and uncertain. This experience often times leads one to ask, “Is there any hope?”...

I have heard some say that while they were grieving they felt much closer to God. Some have even wondered out loud how anyone could “go through this” without a strong faith system and belief in God. I have also heard about as many say that they have questioned their faith in God during a time of grief more than they ever had or thought that they ever would. I do not get offended when grieving people get angry at God. God can take our anger without getting angry at us. One writer said, “It’s hard to have a relationship with someone that you can’t get mad at...

It would be nice if the chaplain was exempt from personal life challenges…but that’s far from the truth. I have mentioned once before back in October about the suicide in my family. Since then my wife and I have also experienced two miscarriages as well. I know we share this experience with many of you who read this blog as it is more common that I had previously known...

Pets are more than just animals — they’re family. And anyone who’s ever lost a pet knows it’s terribly heartbreaking. Whether it’s your first time to lose a pet or your third, it never really gets easier, only more familiar. Thankfully, there are many ways to ease the sorrow and help you recover from such a devastating loss...

The Holidays bring happiness, cheer, joy, and a lot of other words to describe them. There are also some words we don’t like to associate with all the festivities; sadness, hurt, longing, anxiety, anger, dread. Sometimes the good words run on parallel tracks with the grief words during the holidays. If you have faced an empty chair at the table for the Holidays you know that many times the things that have traditionally brought feelings of joy and happiness can also bring feelings just as intense on the other side of the spectrum...

We are supposed to have warm fuzzy feelings during the holidays, but sometimes we are instead filled with dread. There are few universal “right” or “wrong” answers for the holidays as we grieve. However, there is one answer that I think is very nearly universal… “No, you are not going crazy, you are grieving.” My hope in writing this is that you may find that though your holidays are different, they are survivable and to some degree, meaningful...

For many people this time of year bring a great deal of joy and excitement. The leaves have changed and fallen, temps begin to drop, and evidence of the holiday season is witnessed as homes are adorned with lights, trees are placed in homes and decorated, and every store you walk into has some sort of Christmas music playing in the background. But for some, this time of year can’t end sooner...

Clichés, empty platitudes, and things that don’t really help people who are grieving are the subjects of this article. I suspect that since you have read this far that you, like me, have said something to someone in the past that has not helped at all. Maybe it even hurt. You realize that we just can’t “un-say” something that we have said, no matter how much it hurts...

Nothing upsets a parent quicker than making their children hurt. So, what do we do when death strikes at the heart of our family dealing emotional injuries to all of us? We grieve our losses, but what about the kids?...

In this crazy world, there's an enormous distinction between good times and bad, between sorrow and joy. But in the eyes of God, they're never separated. Where there is pain, there is healing. Where there is mourning, there is dancing. Where there is poverty, there is the Kingdom of God...

Why reinvent the wheel? I realize that you and I are different from each other, and that we are different from every other human being. I have lost several loved ones, as have you, and each loss is different as well. However, each loss has some things in common just as you and I have some things in common, and we can learn from each other...