Thank God For Kids
It’s taken 15 years, but I finally convinced Miss Val to co-write a blog with me! Many of you know her from when she worked at Simmons, so you know I am not lying when I tell you that she is the best person I know. And truthfully, she would be a far better Chaplain than I am! We make a pretty good team at home too.
Initially, we considered naming this blog, “How to Raise Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind.” After some reflection, we thought “How to Raise Your Kids When Your Mind is Already Gone!” seemed much closer to the truth! We’re certainly not writing this as experts by any means. This is more of here is what we’ve learned from our mistakes so far and a story of how God is using this experience to grow all of us - not just our kids.
When I (Nick) hired on as a Simmons Chaplain, I was 23 years old and Miss Val was pregnant with our first child. Early on, I remember having a few conversations with team members who were having some parenting issues. I had taken a few child development classes at JBU and felt like I could really help them out with my sage advice…haha. What a idiot!
After we had been parents for a bit (it only really took about five minutes), I tracked down a few of the folks I had counseled and apologized for not having a clue what I was talking about!! I now appreciated how hard parenting could be!
How crazy is it that we had to take lessons and pass a test before we could drive a car, but they just handed us a kid and said, “Be a parent! Good luck!”
God certainly has funny ways of reminding us that we are still a “work in in progress” especially as parents. We always thought that we were going to be the one to shape and mold our kids, and while that is true, they are also helping shape and mold us too.
QUICK THOUGHT
Can we just say quick, that as we are writing on this topic, it is not lost on us that many reading this have struggled with infertility and loss. We have experienced three miscarriages as well as part of our story. We're writing this simply to share our perspective and we hope maybe there is something here for everyone that would be helpful or encouraging.
OUR FAMILY
We currently have four kiddos running around the farm: Caleb (15), Caitlyn (11) Claire (9), and Paul (7). We finally broke the vicious cycle of the “C” names with #4...I (Nick) won’t point fingers, but it wasn’t my idea to give them all “C” names. In 15 years, I don’t think I have ever actually called them by the correct name the first time! Our youngest, Paul, probably would have been another “C” name if we weren’t so exhausted and forgot we were doing a thing!
There is a country song that was popular a few years ago called, “You Name the Babies, I’ll Name the Dogs” and it’s the story of our life. I (Nick) wanted to name our first son, “Boone” and the love of my life looked at me and said, “You can name a dog ‘Boone’ someday, but not our son." I laughed. She wasn’t kidding. So, I got a dog. And named him "Boone”. Just as I was told, haha.
Caleb and Boone.
Remember that blog a few weeks back on, “to be unclear is to be unkind”? I am married to a VERY KIND woman (love you Val)!
Truth be told, when we first got married I (Nick) thought I only really wanted to have two kids, and Miss Val pictured our family with four kids...so we compromised and we have four kids. :)
Parenting has been an interesting journey for us so far. I remember when Caleb was a baby. It wasn’t what I expected. He just laid there. Ate. Cried. Pooped. Slept. Repeat. I couldn’t wait until he was old enough to walk, play, and talk! Then he got big enough, and we just wished he would sit still and be quiet for like five seconds!
Then these two girls come along, and they have their Daddy’s heart around their little pinky. I grew up with two brothers, and the world of girls is completely new to me - and I love it. My girls can be dressed up as princesses and two minutes later have muck boots and jeans, ready to go help me feed cows.
I have been asking my girls for years what they are crying about. I was ready to confront a bully or help solve whatever was causing them to be upset. Miss Val finally (gently) told me that they don’t know why they are crying. “Sometimes you just need a good cry.” This was new information for me, haha! But it’s true.
“Fathers and mothers, do not forget that children learn more by the eye than they do by the ear... Imitation is a far stronger principle with children than memory. What they see has a much stronger effect on their minds than what they are told.”
SEASONS OF PARENTING
Parenting is complex and challenging. It’s also one of the top subjects that people want to talk to our Chaplains about. As our own kids have grown, each stage has had its own challenges and blessings. Now that we have a teenager and his siblings quickly following behind, we’re learning a whole new world.
When they were little, we remember feeling so inadequate as parents. As they got into the toddler years, those feelings of inadequacy have grown stronger.
We came across a podcast many years ago, where Andy and Sandra Stanley were talking about the different stages of parenting. We found it extremely helpful in the season we were in, and we want to share it with you.
The Four Stages of Parenting
1. The Discipline Years (Ages 0–5)
Focus: Teaching obedience and consequences.
Goal: Instilling that actions have consequences.
Action: Establishing safety and initial boundaries.
2. The Training Years (Ages 5–12)
Focus: Building understanding and worldview.
Goal: Explaining the "why" behind family rules and nurturing a love for God and others.
Action: High engagement through conversation, answering questions, and applying values.
3. The Coaching Years (Ages 12–18)
Focus: Connection over correction.
Goal: Guiding teenagers from the sidelines, allowing them to make choices and face natural consequences.
Action: Shifting from direct rule-enforcement to mentorship.
4. The Friendship Years (Ages 18+)
Focus: Releasing children into adulthood.
Goal: Transitioning the relationship from authority-based to a friendship of mutual respect.
Action: Providing guidance as needed while encouraging independence.
(Andy & Sandra Stanley: Parenting: Getting it Right)
This framework was really helpful for us as we navigate the different seasons as our kids have grown older. We could probably also write a whole other blog on the relationship between parents and adult children, as that has its own set of challenges!
I’ve thought a lot about my family and the blessings my wife and kids are to me. Some of my greatest memories and chapters of my life have been written these last few years with them. I keep trying to enjoy these moments with them because every parent mentions how fast time goes. Before we know it, they will be leaving our home and starting a life of their own.
That thought upsets some people, but it's a matter of vision for us. We think about the day our kids leave our home as a goal, not something we hope to avoid. By goal, we don’t mean we can’t wait until they leave our house. We will grieve that day deeply. But the way we are making memories together, disciplining, teaching, coaching, and loving our kids today is to prepare them one day to leave and replicate this in their own marriages and family.
One of our goals is that we would raise these kids in such a way that they would always know the love their Mom and Dad have for them, which is reflected by the love their Heavenly Father has for them. And that when they leave our home, they might want to come back and spend time with us, even when they don’t have to.
Val and I pray for our kids’ future spouses often. Ever since they were infants, we have prayed that if they are to marry, God would be watching over their future spouse today and preparing them to love and be loved well by our kids.
We also believe that discipleship begins in the home. We are thankful for our incredible church that pours into our kids throughout the week. But we know that it’s one thing to hear about these truths on Sunday morning and Wednesday night. It is another to see Mom and Dad living them out at home. We don’t always do this perfectly. I didn’t know I would have to ask for forgiveness from my kids as much as I have in the last 15 years. Our hope is that they see Christ and experience His love through the way we love, discipline, and raise them up to be mature men and women.
BEING A MOM
by Valerie Braschler
I want to speak on parenting from a mom’s point of view for a minute. There are literally thousands of parenting books that can offer various perspectives on how to navigate parenthood. I feel completely inadequate to offer any advice, but there might be a lot of you who are in a similar stage of parenting as we are or maybe have younger kids or kids potentially in your future someday so maybe you can relate a little or think of this down the road. There are also a lot of you further in your parenting years who can share your hard earned wisdom with us! I appreciate the grace from you with older kids (even grown adult children) as you read our naïve perspective.😊
IT’S A GIFT
I remember one day when our kids were probably about 7, 4, 2 and newborn and it had been one of those days. You know the ones. When you are exhausted, touched out, tired of saying no and wiping rear ends and tired of the fighting and complaining and picking things up for the millionth time and had had enough. I was standing at the sink, washing a few dishes in my frustration and our four year old daughter says, “Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.” So I turn around already irritated and say, “What, Caitlyn?”
“What’s it like to be a mom?” her sweet little voice asked me. Haha. Kids have impeccable timing. As I stood there scrambling for an answer to her precious little question I said, “Well,….it’s just a gift Caitlyn. It’s just a gift. It can be hard sometimes, but it is a gift.” So now that is the running joke between my friends and I anytime things feel a little chaotic with kids. “It’s just a gift.” While said tongue-in-cheek, it really is a good reminder that this role is a gift to have and we are just stewards of these little gifts God has given us to raise.
One part of scripture that I return to over and over again is Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV:
22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in Him.”
A reminder that God’s mercies are new for us as parents every morning and new for our children every morning. No matter how hard the day (or night) before was, God gives us fresh mercies for the new day ahead. I am so thankful. He is where our strength and hope come from.
One of the best parts about parenting is watching your spouse be a parent. Being on the same team in this hard role (sometimes you have to remind each other that you are, in fact, on the same team!). Prioritizing your marriage can be one of the best gifts you give your children. Stable parents who love each other and love the Lord can be an anchor for your home. So go on dates, make time together, sit down and talk to each other. Make a conscious effort to love your spouse each day.
I don’t know about you, but oftentimes in the middle of a “parenting moment” I can feel both too hard and too soft on my kids at the same time. It is a strange feeling. Each child is different and responds differently to situations and consequences. We are constantly learning each other. I feel like the more kids we have, the less I know about parenting because it can be so different for each one.
Nick shared earlier about the four stages of parenting and how helpful that has been for us. He’s right. It was so helpful to know in those early years when you feel like all you do is say no and days feel like they are filled with discipline that it won’t always be this way. But it is important to go through each of those stages in order. You can’t skip ahead to the friendship years if you haven’t laid the foundations of the discipline years. Our children need us to provide those discipline, training and coaching years to get to that fun friendship stage when they are older and also to teach them how to be good human beings.
One thing that has been surprising is just how fun each stage of raising kids is. You hear a lot about not to miss these days because they go so fast and that you will miss those baby years. Which I know is true, but it really is a *gift* to get a sideline seat of each stage – there are really fun and really hard things about every age.
Something I have to remind myself about is that your two year old is going to act like a two year old. You can’t expect (and frankly don’t want) your two year old acting like a twelve year old. Sometimes in the heat of a parenting moment it is good adjust your expectations for your child to act their age. Golly, what a thought! It isn’t unreasonable for your child’s gut reaction to be exactly what you would expect a toddler or a tween or a teenager to be. The challenge is not letting your emotions as the parent go on that same roller coaster or sinking to their level. We get to be the ones in control of our emotions and train or coach them with our response.
With that said, since we are all humans and we are all imperfect, someday your child is going to mess up. They are going to make a decision that you wish they wouldn’t have made. That we are going to look back and wish a certain situation would have been handled differently. The same can be said about us as parents. We are going to mess up. We are going to wish we had handled a situation differently. Knowing that mistakes happen, bad decisions will be made, I think it would be helpful to think ahead of time how you might respond. When your child is an adult someday and they look back on that bad decision, will they remember that their parents responded with grace and accountability or will they remember that the relationship fractured and the only thing they remember is anger and disgrace? I’m not sure I know the right balance of all the heated emotions, but I would like to think through what does a wise response look like.
That leads into another thought of how do you want your home to feel? I recently saw someone mention that someday your child will be a grown adult having dinner with other adults and the conversation might turn to what their childhood was like. What do you hope they say? When they come home from school or sports or work, how do you hope they feel? Like they are walking on pins and needles? Like anything goes? Like a foreigner in their own home? Mostly I hope that they feel loved and supported. That this training ground for future adults gives them wonderful memories and teaches them how to be person of integrity that treats others kindly. That they know their heavenly Father loves them more than anything.
Parenting is hard. It is wonderful and amazing and unbelievable and hard. What a gift. 😊
This is Nick again. I don’t think I need to tell you this, but I hit the jackpot when God gave me Miss Val, and so did our kiddos...
MORE VERY IMPORTANT
What I love about kids is that they can surprise you with something so deep and thoughtful sometimes. A few years ago, Caleb and I were in my truck coming back from checking cows. He was in the backseat and said, “Daddy, what is heaven going to be like?” Wow, that’s a pretty cool thought from a 7-year-old!
I tried not to get too in depth but shared with him what the Bible says about heaven.
We talked about it for a few minutes or so. My heart was full and I thought, man, we’re doing a great job raising him. It was quiet for a few second...and then he followed that up with another deep thought, “Do snakes have butts?”
Oh boy...well, there goes the moment! I looked over at him with a smile and said, “Buddy, honestly I have no idea.” I had to Google it. Just in case it ever comes up in conversation – they do.
He had another moment that was pretty cool. He brought home a paper that he had done during class. His teacher had prompted the class to write a paragraph in response to the question:
If you had to choose between skipping your birthday or Christmas, what would you do?
Here was his response…
“I would skip my birthday because I would not want to skip Jesus’s birthday. It’s on Christmas. Birthdays are just for fun anyway. Jesus’s birthday is more very important.”
Seeing it again now makes me smile. I love that kid. I hope to continue to encourage his love for Christ and others. What a blessing it is to be called to be a Mom and Dad to one of these precious kids. I will have to be reminded of what I just said the next time he breaks a window or flings a corndog across the table at his sister…
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
This story is a great reminder to me that while my work is important (and so is yours), I want to make sure that I structure my priorities in such a way that is continues to be God, Family, Simmons. When my priorities line up like this, my faith is strong and it flows into how I show up for my wife and my kids. When faith and home are strong, Simmons gets the absolute best version of me. I have to constantly make realignments as there are seasons where work is very heavy and requires alot of time.
I’ve also been blessed to work for leaders who have the same values. Crystal and Russell have made it clear. If I miss the 3rd grade play on a Tuesday morning, that’s on me. The expectation is that you don’t miss the things that matter most. I have really appreciated that. Seeing my kids face light up when I walk in the back door or show up at the volleyball or baseball game reminds them that they are loved and cherished.
We realize there are so many dynamics that go into the challenges of parenting, and there’s no way we can address all of those in a single blog. If you have questions or there’s something we can do to help as you navigate your situation, feel free to reach out to us at chaplain@simfoods.com. There are some great resources on Rightnow Media@Work on Parenting as well. Here is the link for you:
Check out the Parenting video library on Rightnow Media@Work
On this page there are dozens of specific studies for:
Moms & Dads
Blended Families and Co-Parenting
Grandparenting
Help Talking with Your Kids About Difficult Topics
Behavior & Discipline
Family Finances
Remember this: You have one chance to raise your kids. One. Once that is gone, it’s not coming back. The words you say matter. The actions you take matter. Your kids will not forget how you made them feel and what you prioritized. And thank you Lord for grace.