"Are You Talking About Suicide?"

 

You can save lives and alleviate suffering.

“Approximately 80% of all people who die by suicide are of working age (18-65) making the workplace the most cross-cutting system for suicide prevention, intervention and crisis response.” (This quote is from: https://workplacesuicideprevention.com/)

WARNING…YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER A STIGMA FREE ZONE

I realize that there is a stigma attached to talking about suicide. I reject the stigma associated with suicide and I am talking about suicide. I believe the emotional/psychological/spiritual footprint of any pandemic will be worse than the physical footprint. Suicide was a problem before the pandemic and it is likely to be worse the longer this crisis of uncertainty lasts.

 
 

Many of us have had a personal encounter with suicide. Some who read this have considered suicide, some have attempted suicide, while many others have lost a loved one to suicide. 

So, what should I do if a loved one or friend says that they do not want to go on living? I hope that if you are still reading this that you will get a bit more comfortable when the subject of suicide comes up in conversations with your family, friends or loved ones.

Here is what I have learned:

Take them seriously without overreacting.

According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control, the organization that tracks the causes of death, in 2018 (the last year that we have current data), 48,344 died by suicide. That makes the national rate 14.8 suicides per 100,000 population. There were 272,266 people residing in Benton County Arkansas that year. Add in the 236,611 people in Washington County, and it averages more than one per week in Northwest Arkansas. Suicide ranks as the 10th leading cause of death in the US while homicide ranks as 16th. Statistically an individual is more likely to kill themself THAN to be killed. In 2018, one person in the USA completed suicide every 10.9 minutes. Suicide is serious, so take them seriously without overreacting.

Overreacting is when we get a terrified look in our eyes that says, “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS!” Truth be told, no one wants to hear that another person is in such emotional pain that suicide is looking like a feasible way out. However, if we can bring ourselves to be the calm voice of the pilot who says, “Ladies and gentlemen we need you to brace for the impact of the crash we are about to experience…” your calm can have a calming effect on the person whose world is spinning out of control. You might make their crash survivable if you don’t overreact.

Ask the Question

Take them seriously and ask the question, “Are you thinking about taking your life?” Sometimes we get tired of sickness, financial worries, conflict, being locked up at home alone…sometimes we just get tired. Sometimes it is not that we want to die, but we don’t want to live as we are living now. Hopelessness seems to be the largest common denominator in suicides. Sometimes suicide seems like the only way out. 

There seems to be a thought, one that I bought into earlier in life, that I should not bring up the subject of suicide so as not to give them the idea. That is wrong thinking! Those who have attempted suicide often say, “I wish someone had asked, I would have told them.” “They didn’t ask because they just didn’t care.” 

All the suicide intervention wisdom says, ASK THE QUESTION! There are several ways to ask the question, here are some examples; “Are you thinking about suicide?” “Are you talking about ending your life?” “Are you saying that you want to kill yourself?”

So, you have asked the question, and yes, your loved one admits that he/she is considering suicide. Now what do you do?

Ask about their plan.

“If you were going to do that today, how do you think you would do it?” Or maybe, “Have you thought about how you are going to kill yourself?” That may feel blunt, but the question gets to the heart of the matter.

If they have the suicidal ideation, and have a plan, it is time to do something. 

First, Contradict – 

    • “That’s not a good idea.” 

    • “We need to do something about that.” 

    • “I am not okay with you taking your life.”

Second, Delay – 

    • “Tell me more about it.” (Give them a chance to process their thoughts.)

    • “What has brought you to this point?” (Give a chance for rational, logical thinking to return to their thought process.)

    • “Who/what will this affect?” (Find something they will miss…family, smells, hobbies, etc. that they will never be able to do again.) 

Third, Offer Help –

“I would like to get you some help…are you okay with that?”

  • You can take them to a nearby mental health facility for evaluation by a professional. 

  • You can take them to the nearest Emergency Room. 

  • If they refuse to get help and the threat seems imminent, you can call 911.

  • Assuming that you are not a mental health professional, it is time to get someone else involved. Here are some numbers you might want to have saved in your phone.

    • National Suicide Hotline – 800-273-TALK (8255)

    • National Suicide Hotline in Spanish – 888-628-9454

    • National Suicide Text Line – Text “HOME” to 741741 - Veterans text 838255

    • “We Are the 22” – 855-932-7384 (veteran to veteran peer support in Arkansas)

    • Veteran’s Mental Health Clinic

    • Simmons Care Clinic

    • Simmons Facility Nurse

    • Simmons Chaplain Line – 479-215-2500

    • Their Minister

    • Their Doctor

Fourth, Remove lethal means –

  • Get the guns and ammo out of the house.

  • Get the pills out of the house along with the poisons. 

  • Remove sharp knives, scissors, even the little cheap pencil sharpeners have had the blades removed and used in suicide attempts.

Sometimes a suicidal impulse has a lethal consequence. At other times, the warning signs are subtle and we miss them. Sometimes we really do not have the training, experience or presence of mind to notice. 

Sometimes the person who was suicidal seems so much better and everything is going so well. Those who have attempted suicide, and those who study suicide tell us that once the decision is made and the means is readily available there can be a peace that makes us believe that everything is fine. 

Remember that the only person who can stop a suicide is the person who completes that suicide, however, I can take responsibility for doing all that I can do to prevent suicide. 

For more support, reading, training, or information:

Let’s take the stigma out of talking about suicide.

 
DepressionLarry Hendren