Our friends at Alcoholics Anonymous make a lot of use of the term Higher Power. Many of them understand that Higher Power to be God. Others look at it in the sense of the spiritual aspect of our lives. However you use the term Higher Power, my desire for you is that you be at peace with your Higher Power.
I have heard some say that while they were grieving they felt much closer to God. Some have even wondered out loud how anyone could “go through this” without a strong faith system and belief in God. I have also heard about as many say that they have questioned their faith in God during a time of grief more than they ever had or thought that they ever would. I do not get offended when grieving people get angry at God. God can take our anger without getting angry at us. One writer said, “It’s hard to have a relationship with someone that you can’t get mad at.”
Anger is usually part of grief and needs to be expressed in order to be alleviated. You can’t really just be angry; you need to be angry “at” someone or something. I’m pretty sure that God is more okay with us getting mad at Him than getting mad at another human being who is not at all responsible for the loss.
Nor am I surprised when I hear some say that they are not sure if they still believe in God. God still believes in us. I have come to realize that when we grieve our emotions get so tangled that we have a very hard time sorting any emotions out. I think that faith and emotions are linked closely together for us. I’ve seen anger expressed in the name of Allah on the 6 o’clock news. I’ve seen faith in God expressed through tears in many emotional moments.
What I am encouraging you to do now is to Use Your Higher Power, and don’t abandon your faith altogether or forever. Many times it takes some time to “get back in the saddle” after grief has put you on your knees. Eventually, the hope is that you will want to get back on that horse. So please don’t burn any bridges behind you.
You shouldn’t always hurt like you hurt now. Future holiday experiences should not be as painful as this one is. However, sometimes we get stuck in our grief. Grief counselors might use the term Complicated Grief for getting stuck in our grief. Whatever you call it, you don’t have to stay there. There is hope, and there is help available. If you feel like you are stuck in your grief, please reach out to someone. If it has been more than a couple of years and your grief is still as fresh and raw or worse than it was that day…you don’t have to stay there. You don’t deserve that, and you don’t have to stay there.